Financial "Shell Shock" or "Post Traumatic Stress"

My great uncle, who recently passed away aged 92, served in the 1st Airborne Battalion during WW2, until the day he died, he still jumped at loud bangs due to the constant exposure to explosions during the war.

I feel like I am starting to understand this....

Since September 2011 I have been on a very low income, at this point my husband was made redundant, and I only had a part time job which paid £470 pcm, we had to claim housing benefit just to be able to pay the rent. My contract ended summer 2012, we were however both able to find 3 months temporary work during that summer. From September 2012 until now, we have both been unemployed and on JSA, receiving just £110 per week to live on, and housing benefit to pay our rent.

This has lead to a long exposure to financial hardship, a constant worry about being able to afford the rent, food, and other bills. I have been forced to rely on the council and the DWP to pay money into my account, money that they could stop at any point! Every Saturday, I check my account to make sure we have money and can get through the next week. This constant fear and stress has made me terrified of money and everything to do with it.

The moment something different happens, I get butterflies, I feel sick, dizzy, and short of breath, I end up getting a headache.

My husband has just started work :D, we were told that we are entitled to a 1 month housing benefit run on, and that it would be automatic. I was immediately suspicious, I don't trust automatic where money is concerned. Of course, nothing is ever that simple.

The council say yes we are entitled to it, but we wont get it until they have reassessed our claim, which will take up to 4 weeks after they receive some paper work from us (which my husbands employer has to sign).

BAM! PANIC! If it takes 4 weeks, we have no money for the rent until a week after it's due. It takes me all day to calm down and realise that if I just explain the situation to our landlord everything will be fine, things are getting better.

My husband takes the form to work as soon as we receive it. Turn out that his work need their payrole office to sign it, they are based in Newcastle, so there will be at least a 3 day turn around.

BAM! PANIC! Fuck My Life! So now we are going to be two week late with out rent. A day of tears and stress and a pounding headache. I 'know' in the sensible, rational part of my brain, that this will still be ok, but a primal part of me takes over, the adrenalin pumps, the stress builds and I panic. That was yesterday, stress levels are still high today, but I keep telling myself to calm down, it WILL be ok.

If this is not "Shell Shock" or "Post Traumatic Stress", then I don't know what is. I'm off to the doctors tomorrow because I have reached breaking point.

Both my husband and I agree, that if we hadn't had each other, we would not have survived this winter, we would be statistics, people who had killed themselves because of the hardships imposed by this government, and the hatred fuelled by the press. We are the poor, the work-shy, the scum of the earth!

For me there is one other reason why I am still alive, I will not let the government win! I will survive! I will hold them accountable for the murders of so many people who have not had the strength to continue! They will not beat me!

UPDATE 16/6/13: A month ago I went to my doctors because as you can see from the above post I was no longer able to cope. My doctor was brilliant, and very understanding. He gave me the option of going on some low dose anti depressants, I read all the info about them and decided yes, these might help me. Four weeks on, and yes they do help. I'm so relaxed that if I saw IDS I would probably just punch him instead of exploding with rage. The only down side it that I am so relaxed that I could take a nap at any time of the day. I am pretty sure that the last few months would not have been so horrific if I had spoken to my doctor sooner. My advice is if you are struggling mentally with the stress of unemployment, speak to your doctor, they can help.  

How difficult do they make it to get back into employment?

Joyous news, my husband has found a full-time permanent job, which he started the other day, brilliant.

My thoughts were, excellent, now we will be more financially secure and not so reliant on benefits.

But now I am beginning to think that the time between him starting his job, and when he gets paid will break us. I don't know how we will survive financially.

He is on monthly pay, but doesn't know what the pay date is, he thinks it might be the 20th, and is going to check today.

Our JSA got stopped the day before he started work, and it could take them up to 4 weeks to decide if I am still entitled to any, I think I am, but we get no more money from them until they reach their decision. I still have to go to the Job Centre each week to sign on until the decision is reached.

We are entitled to a Housing Benefit run on for 1 month after starting employment because we've been out of work for over 6 months. We thought this would help us survive the first month of employment, and were told this payment would be automatic. But, and there is always a but, they have suspended our Housing Benefit claim and have to do a recalculation based on my husbands income, which could take up to 4 weeks, after which we will get paid the run on.

So basically, we are left with no income until either the council recalculate our housing benefit, even thought they have already confirmed that we are entitled to the run on, or until my husband gets paid which will only be a partial months pay, not a full month. Luckily we have just had our tax rebates from last year, but that will only cover food and electricity for a few weeks.

I don't know how we are going to pay the rent at the end of the month, unless the housing benefit it sorted out. We are basically financially fucked until my husbands second pay cheque. These first few weeks because we have no income, then the following month because we have to live a whole month on part of a month pay.

I'm so worried that I feel sick. It's like they want to make it as difficult as possible to get back to work. The tiny bit of money we do have wont cover food, electricity, travel to and from work, or rent, let alone other bills.